FAFO Parenting has surfaced as a new weapon in child-parent relationships to benefit both the child and the parent.
In an article in The Herald Sun on Sunday, the 17th of August 2025, by Susie O’Brien, reporting on ‘Not Gonna Lie’ podcaster, and outspoken mother-of-four, Kylie Kelce has unleashed a new parenting style on parents everywhere.
‘It’s called FAFO parenting, which stands for F**k Around and Find Out’.
However, the concept is not new; our family was exposed to it over 40 years ago. But it didn’t have the attention-grabbing title it now has.
Parental micromanagement is the obverse of FAFO, a deleterious method of parenting which, in times past, was often the subject of conversation by mothers congregating at the Primary School gate at pick up time. A time when mothers walked to the school (they didn’t have a spare car, and with most families, one car was the option) and had conversations rather than sitting in their cars.
The conversations went along the lines of, “Mrs Whomever is at it again, smothering her poor child”. The congregation offered scorn on the mother and pity for the smothered child, as it was believed smothered children would lead miserable lives and not make old bones.
Those parents of the past would never have heard of the now fashionable term micromanagement, but their descriptor of smothering was more accurate.
Podcaster and mother of four, Kelie Kelce, relates a number of her experiences that are not dissimilar to examples provided to us when our child entered kindergarten by a child psychologist at a parent training night organised by the kinder.
Kelce’s three-year-old wouldn’t wear a jacket, so she decided not to force her.
When Kelce felt she was not getting anywhere, she said her husband “nailed it” when he asked Elie to go out to the front porch to find out how cold it was. The girl was outside for less than a minute. “Then guess what, she put her jacket on,” Kelce said. FAFO.
Our family experience was at a supermarket checkout. Our two-year-old son (now over 50) threw a severe tantrum, thrashing around on the floor as his mother loaded groceries on the checkout conveyor belt, demanding something or other. His mother warned him that if he didn’t get up, she would leave him there. An older lady next in line was most disturbed, having a shot that, as a mother, she had no right to talk to the child like that. Unperturbed, his mother finished, loading her trolley and walking away. The two-year-old was up like a flash, running after his mother, who had only gone a meter or two, and clamping onto her leg. No more tantrums from then on. FAFO.
His older brother, not to be outdone, developed a very annoying habit of not getting out of bed early enough in the morning to get to school. The problem was solved when his mother took him by the arm and put him out the front door to go to school, in his PJs. As the door was shut, the realisation struck, and tears began to flow. FAFO. Consequences avoided any repeats.
A mother on TikTok, Janelle, said she decided her son could “FAFO” when he refused to wear a jacket during a rainstorm at a Scouts camp.
“They f*** around, they find out, they get the natural consequences and get to find the way through them,” Janelle said in a clip that has been viewed half a million times.
Her son got to decide for himself when he’d had enough, with Janelle saying that, unless there’s a safety issue, this is how she raises him. FAFO.
As a child grows, the strategies for FAFO need to evolve with two overriding factors: the strategy must be age and developmentally appropriate, and safety must trump all other efforts.
Educational psychologist Clare Rowe said it was important not to “rob kids of the very experiences that develop resilience, problem-solving skills, and a sense of personal responsibility”.
“Natural consequences don’t require yelling, punishment, or endless lectures; they’re simply letting reality do the teaching,” she said.
“Of course, it’s about safety and age-appropriateness. We don’t let toddlers ‘find out’ by touching a hot stove. But for older children, allowing them to misjudge, stumble, and correct themselves is valuable. It’s not cruel- it’s how they build the judgement they’ll rely on for the rest of their lives,” Ms Rowe said.
At the Kinder parental training session, an older (than us) parent related his experience with two unruly children in the back seat of their car, travelling to see relatives 150 km up the Hume Highway. The trip was a regular nightmare for the parents until one day the father stopped the car on a long stretch of road, ordered the kids out, and drove off. A threat that had been levied but never acted upon before. The parent related how difficult it was, and both parents were glued to the rearview mirror as the children began to shrink in the distance. Having briefly lost sight of the kids, the parent turned around and drove back to pick up the distraught kids.
Behaviour from then on was resolved. FAFO.
FAFO was so effective that when a new addition was added to the backseat, some years later, the newbie started trying to cause mayhem and was told by the father that he would be put out of the car if he didn’t behave. The other two children chimed in, reinforcing that the threat was not idle. Problem solved. FAFO+.
Most parents can relate to similar experiences, but unfortunately, formal education rarely includes the essential lessons that every parent and parent-to-be needs.
And that brings us to the current imbroglio, juvenile crime.
It seems the simplest of strategies to rein in Juvenile Crime is being ignored in favour of misguided, ideologically based processes.
The strategies, FAFO, developed for small children remain the same until they reach adulthood. The only difference is a more sophisticated approach by parents as the child grows.
Consequences learned through self-taught methods are the most effective; however, parents (and the judiciary) must be prepared to create consequences for the young person who has erred.
If a 10–13-year-old commits a crime, the argument is that they do not know the behaviour was wrong. In most cases, and by that age, that is generally rubbish, and acceptance of the legal principle “Doli incapax”, a legal principle meaning incapable of understanding wrong, which evolved from medieval times when it may have been fair enough, but applied today by Government raising the age for “Doli incapax”, is the complete antithesis of what the principle was supposed to achieve.
At the expense of our children and us, the Government makes the statistics look better.
Raising the age is counterintuitive; it should be lowered to reflect societal development and the reality of young people’s development. It also promotes the notion that children today have less knowledge of accountability, right from wrong, than their forebears hundreds of years ago.
The access to life skills, particularly by electronic means, that children have today makes a mockery of the current use of the archaic “Doli incapax” principle. It highlights the ineptitude of legal reformists.
The other side of the equation is the behaviour of the Judiciary failing to find strategies to have young children and juveniles exposed to the consequences of their behaviour, whether that behaviour is unacceptable or unlawful.
The popular lecturing handed out seemingly as punishment by jurists is nothing more relevant than flapping the gums because the young people have an inbuilt meter that shuts down reception of babble of no interest to them.
The stark reality of the failure of the judiciary can be seen in the appalling tsunami of statistics for juvenile crime, which must directly reflect on their ineptitude.
Unfortunately, many jurists still pursue the principles of Restorative Justice.
The Restorative Justice principles introduced and favoured amongst the legal elite have well and truly fallen over into the parallel elite of fashionable bureaucracy.
What is disgusting is that the proponents pursue an ideologically failed philosophy with no consideration of the impact on children.
How can we state with absolute certainty that Restorative Justice has failed?
We can look to the crime statistics over the last decade or so and see without equivocation the failure writ large.
It is time the Government started listening to the pragmatic majority with lived life experiences for guidance rather than the elites, earlier referred to, who predominantly live in a cocoon, surviving on the ideological air pumped into their habitat, removing any ability for independent and pragmatic thought.
Things must change for the benefit of society and children in particular.
The CAA is proposing a Juvenile Justice Panel and is open to expressions of interest forwarded to ceo@caainc.org.au.
